Oh heck yes. I am SO going to win.

Good news!

I got laid off!

Ok, so that isn't actually good news. But there are some positives.

1. I get to sleep in.
2. I get to have naked dance parties.
3. I get to move around a whole heck of a lot more.

That's right guys. For the first time in a long time, I did not spend 40+ hours in my week sitting in front of a computer.

My blog reading is suffering. But my butt is not.

Thanks in part to this, in part to my much-better eating habits, and mostly because I am a little afraid of Amber's disapproval (have you seen that look she gets?) I have already lost 7 pounds!

No, not in a week. Since we started this round a month ago.

And compared to last season when I gained weight, I'd say that's pretty darn awesome!

I'm still nowhere near my goal, but heck, I'm not complaining.

So thank you guys, for believing in me, even when I was being lame and not living up to my group blogging responsibilities.

And now that I'm finally seeing some results (and I have some more time on my hands) I plan on being a little less lame, and a little more active.

I am feeling very encouraged right now.

And now, for my challenge updates:

Physical Challenge: I added some running to my week. I hate running, but I haven't done it in forever, and so I thought I would give it a try. It was just as terrible as I remembered.

Emotional Challenge: I tried to ask Kurt, but he was sleeping, and could only mutter "your lips" while pushing me away. So I called Amber and Chantel- but they didn't answer. Maybe because it was 2 in the morning?

Who the heck would be up this late...?

Why, Jimmy and Annie, of course!

I was totally right, and they were more than willing to help.

They didn't focus on physical things, but on characteristics that are so much more real.

My intuitiveness, my creativity, my determination and drive. My perspective and advice, my listening skills, the way I notice others and meet their needs.

I was floored.

They each gave examples, and were incredibly sincere. And I realized- these are the things I want to be known for. These are the things that really matter.

So now? I just have to believe them.


-Helena

How I did on this weeks challenge

Sorry I'm so late in posting this guys!

Okay, so I chose to do push-ups as well, because I am so bad at them! I can do pull-ups, and sit ups, but push-ups and I just don't get along.

I still hate them, but now I can at least do more!

So, I could originally do 5 before I start shaking too much to go on. To be honest if I take a break for an hour or so I can do more, but the rules did say in one sitting :-)
Thanks to the 30 Day Shred, I can now do 10 in one sitting before I need a break! I plan to improve it further... I'm not sure why I have such a hard time with them. I can do approx. 10 pull-ups, so why is this so hard? Maybe I'm doing them wrong?

I also did the self-esteem challenge, which was a good exercise. And hard.
When I was younger I would avoid looking in mirrors if I could help it. I knew I wasn't as pretty as my sisters, or my friends. Instead of learning to love my looks, I avoided them. I wouldn't let myself think about it.

Around my senior year of High School I started trying to change this. Now, just like everyone else, there are still things I would like to change, but I've been trying to learn to love those things.

Looking in the mirror, and not being critical, was really hard.
Eventually I tried to look at myself through different eyes, and it helped a lot.
I thought about how Heavenly Father made me, loves me, and wants me to love myself.

All growing up I've been able to see beauty in everyone, even if others called them "ugly" I would see something beautiful, unique and special.
So, I decided that I should see myself that way too.

I am beautiful, I am unique, and I am special.

I may forget it sometimes, and I know I won't feel/see it everyday, but making this list has helped.
I hope that we will all be able to read our lists, add to them, and when we look in the mirror be able to see something beautiful, unique and special.

It Isn't Really Cheating...

As I read about this weeks physical challenge I tried to think of what I would chose to try and improve, push ups? Crunches? The problem was that I can already do quite a few of those and there is no way I would have been able to improve as much as the challenge required (45 push ups... not going to happen. A million crunches... nope) and so I decided on the only thing possible was to pick pull ups (I haven't really done them much... or at all) And I did! By the end of the week I reached the goal and did a total of 1½ pull ups! And I don't even feel bad about it, though I am thinking I might need to start incorporating pull ups into my workout routine...

The emotional challenged I also did, it was an interesting experience. I have had more self confidence lately but it is still difficult to scrutinize your body and try and figure out things you love, instead of seeing things you would like to change. First I started with the things I have always liked about myself but after I did that, I still had 12 more things to come up with. So I tried to see myself as if I had never seen myself before, I realized when I took out my own prejudice there were many things that I didn't even notice that would have normally upset me. I don't judge others looks as harshly as I judge my own and I think that is a mistake I need to work on, of course I have imperfections but why should I dwell on them? I don't dwell on others' imperfections, if I even notice something imperfect about someone else, I don't hold on to it or even really think about it! Why should I make my own imperfections such a big deal? I can notice them, maybe try to change them but hold on to them? Make myself feel bad about them? Why? What is the point of that? It only hurts myself and why should I hurt? Why should any of us do that to ourselves? It is not healthy or productive, so why not give yourself the same courtesy you give to a total stranger? Give yourself permission to not be perfect.

I loved this challenge.

The physical challenge was easy. Well, ok, it was hard, and I shook a lot, but I went from 20 girl push-ups to 30 (no really, I have a witness/drill sergeant named Kurt who can vouch for it). On Monday, Wednesday, and Friday I did as many as I possibly could in 1 sitting, and on Tuesday and Thursday I did 5 push-ups at a time, 3 or 4 times per day. And it worked.

The hard part of the week was the Self Esteem challenge.

I am really good at criticizing myself. It's a skill I've been perfecting for 25 years. If the challenge had been "stand in front of the mirror and find 15 things you don't like" it would have taken me maybe 20 second, tops.

"My hair is limp and greasy"
"Acne again? Why thank you face, you shouldn't have."
"Hello muffin top. I see you have grown."
"Oh little toe, you think I don't see your snaggly nail?"

That's the problem, you know? I look in the mirror, and automatically start cataloging things I wish I could change. It's a habit that I learned from my mother, who was never kind to herself when looking at her reflection. She would have been horrified to know that I am taking after her in this area.

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I stood in front of the mirror, possibly naked (what? I said possibly), and I started with some backhanded compliments.

"I've seen saggier boobs."
"At least there isn't cellulite on my ankles."
"I rarely have to shave my stomach."

....But those weren't really helping me feel good about myself. I decided to take a break, and go eat some Fiber One cereal (that stuff is amazing)(this is not a paid endorsement).

A few hours minutes later I was back in front of the mirror. Frustrated, I only lasted a few seconds before I decided to take an extended break, and come back tomorrow.

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I was driving home from work the next day, enjoying the camouflage my sunglasses provide (they are so dark, you can't tell what I'm looking at), and blatantly staring at the people in the car next to me.

"She has such a pretty tan, and my skin is so pale. At least my nose is cuter. But she has better eyebrows."

That's when it hit me- I was doing this all wrong. If I am basing my beauty (or lack thereof) on other people, I am never going to be happy. It will always feel like a competition, and with myself as a judge, I am guaranteed to come in last.

"1 point to Chantel, for her lack of cankles."
"3 point to Amber for her wavy/curly hair."
"-2 points to Helena for biting her nails and eating that doughnut"

Instead of looking in the mirror and thinking "I should have less stretch marks on my boobs" or "At least my back isn't as hairy as that girl in front of me at the store today" I should be looking at my features, and finding things I love about them by themselves.

Does that make sense?

Here, let me explain:

I love my eyes. If I am comparing them to other people's, they aren't very special. Amber's are bigger, David has longer eyelashes, and Kurt doesn't have dark circles under them. But so what? My eyes are still pretty. And that's what matters.

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When I got home, I tried to isolate each and every visible part of my body, and find something I loved.

It was hard.

It was hard to silence that voice in my head, to stop comparing myself to people I know, or models I've seen, or that unreachable vision of what I consider to be ideal beauty.

After a few false starts, I did it. I found a bunch of things that I genuinely love about my body. And it felt awesome.

I love the smile lines that are just beginning to form at the corners of my mouth, because they tell the world that I am a happy person.

I love my over-plucked eyebrows, because they remind me not to try so hard.

I love the freckles on my nose and cheeks that show up in the summer, because freckles make me happy, and remind me of my mom (who never had freckles, and spent her childhood envying the kids who did).

I love my collar bone. I don't even know why.

I love my cleavage, because I always have a place to put my cell phone.

There are still things about my body I want to change, but I am going to stop basing my opinion of myself on those. I am what I am, and not what I am not.

I am not a 5'9" 115 lb European model. I am not a 16 year old beauty queen. And I will never be an all-American beauty who stops men in their tracks.

But I am me. And that isn't going to change. So I can either learn to love myself, or spend my life miserable and ashamed.

I know which one I'm going to pick.

How about you?

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I'm linking this post to:

Challenge week 2

Self Esteem Challenge: Stand in front of the mirror, and find 15 things that you love about your body. Write them down in a notebook, or on a piece of paper. 

Mirror, Mirror , on the wall..............

So, I only came up with 6. And that was pushing it. so FAIL!

Physical Challenge: Choose from the following and find out how many you can do in one sitting before you want to pass out: push-ups, sit-ups or pull-ups. The challenge is to pick one, and once you figure out how many you can do, add half the original value on top of it by the end of the week!

 

I picked Push ups! Day 1: 6

                                  Day 6: 11

I totally rocked it!